May 1, 2008
Genesis, Chapter 1 from the LOLCat Bible
From the LOLCat Bible Translation Project
What's an LOLCat? See I Can Has Cheezburger.
1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1
6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.
9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.
11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.
14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.
20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.
24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.
26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.
27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.
28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.
29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.
31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.
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April 9, 2008
Springtime in North Carolina
That's pollen.
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March 12, 2007
Leftist Illiterate Wordsmithing
One of the things that has long fascinated me in watching the left is their penchant for contantly re-writing their own labels. Not content with a label that would accurately portray their beliefs, they always seem to come up with a contrary word to use. It's as if they're always trying to hide their real thoughts behind a word that means the opposite of what they are.
Liberal is the first word that comes to mind. Liberal is a term that once applied to those who believed in a personal application of rights, and opposition to infringement of those rights by government. Liberals believed in minimal taxation, freedom to speak one's beliefs, freedom to associate with the groups you wished, freedom to believe in the faith of your choice, and the right to own weapons as a last resort against a government that might choose to infringe upon those, and other, rights. Today, though, liberalism is not appeased unless taxes are raised to oppressive levels. Liberalism attacks those who choose to belive non-liberal ideas, or worship in certain ways. Above all, liberalism opposes any ownership of weapons except in the hands of a government, especially to prevent anyone from opposing that government.
Later came the term "progressive." Personally, as a former liberal, I have progressed beyond such backward beliefs. My own progression involved understanding the "liberal" belief system I was expected to espouse. I progressed beyond the religious beliefs in government as the savior, and government as the provider. I progressed beyond the idea that higher taxes can, in any way, help anyone except those who get their paychecks out of those taxes. I progressed beyond a wish to become a government employee leech on our society. I progressed to a belief that God, through his son Jesus Christ, was my source of power, rather than the political whims of a majority in Congress. I progressed to a point where the lies of the left no longer gave me pride, but instead caused me to pity those who had not yet progressed.
The latest term for the left is the most humorous of them all. In the last few years, the term "reality-based" has come into popular use among the left. This "reality" proposes that the right is the source of racism, and the left is the cure. I've posted recently on how this isn't "reality" at all. The same "reality" says that Bush stole the 2000 election when many studies have shown the opposite. This "reality" claims that Bush put forth a pre-emptive effort in Ohio, to steal another election, knowing that this would be the one state that this effort was needed in. On and on, the "reality" of the left ignores truth. Richard Armitage leaked Valerie Plame's name to the media, but the "reality-based" left still thinks Dick Cheney should be put in prison for it. Evidence of weapons of mass-destruction in Iraq was found before and after we invaded, but the "reality-based" left says no evidence exists.
As one term for the left becomes unpopular, not because the term is a bad one, but because the beliefs of the left are so horrible, they throw that term away and grab onto another one. More terms will come, just as other terms have gone that I haven't even mentioned.
Every day, though, another leftist progresses beyond the non-real religious belief system and toward a true liberalism that is better in every way. Some, but far from all, on the right come close to this perfect liberalism that we should be fighting for. If, one day, the Republican Party begins to espouse this classical liberalism that our country was founded on, I might be one. Until then, I associate freely with the Libertarian Party, an imperfect example itself of what should be.
No matter how many times I've said I'm not a Republican in the past, though, there will always be those regressive, non-reality-based hatemongers on the left who will call me one. It's not their fault. Functional illiteracy keeps the left alive.
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March 9, 2007
Katie Couric - Still Useless After All These Years
After taking a poorly rated newscast that was a dim shadow of its former self, and installing a new anchor that offered little but a cute face, CBS has solidified its last-place position in the evening news. Worse yet, since Katie Couric took the helm, CBS's evening newscast has fallen further behind, with no end in sight for the drop. Now, a change in producers is underway with Rick Kaplan taking over as producer.
My mother-in-law watches Couric regularly, to which I remark, "So you're the one." Face it. Nobody wants Katie Couric in the anchor chair except CBS, and they aren't going to stay loyal for long. Ratings are key in the TV industry. The two most important timeslots for ratings are the 8-10 prime-time and the news. In local TV, the nightly news is the gravy-train for advertising revenue. On the network level, much is the same. More can be charged for advertising during the evening news, because the viewers that are watching are watching intently. That only goes so far, though, as you actually have to have loyal viewership in order to continue charging those high rates.
Katie Couric, a true star in the fluffy morning-show format, simply isn't seen as a trustable source for the news by a vast majority of America, and for good reason. Cute sells beer and cellphones, not information. When the information given reeks of bias, and offers little in the way of quality, people will turn elsewhere for it. Right now, the news industry is suffering from abandonment. The public is turning to the Internet, where they can read more about any given story, and select the stories they're interested in reading. Cable news, though not available in every home, is chipping away more and more at the audience of the broadcast networks. With CBS focusing more on style than substance, it's no wonder viewers are going away.
Couric's term at CBS began with high ratings, as viewers came in droves to see what was new. They quickly discovered that the newness had to do with style and quality. For everything CBS gained in style, they lost as much in quality, and it showed. Kaplan's job should be to bring in the quality, but his track record in this area is spotty, at best.
I'm still waiting for Fox to bring the Fox Report with Shepherd Smith to its affliliates, and steal away a major chunk of the news audience from all three broadcast networks. It wouldn't be hard, and they could do it with little investment. Smith offers better substance, better style, and a more engaging news-hour than any of the major three networks are offering. What's more, he does it with less bias in the news than any of the other major networks, broadcast or cable.
Hey, CBS. Want to get better ratings in your news? Fire Couric, and hire a real newsman for the job. Like it or not, viewers don't want a woman giving them the news, unless it is a woman who can be trusted to tell the news "the way it is." That's why Connie Chung failed, and it's why Couric is failing.
Like it or not, that's the way it is.
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March 6, 2007
Clinton and Obama's Race Pandering
It was entertaining to read and listen to the speeches given by Hillary Clinton and H. Barack Obama in Selma on the anniversary of "Bloody Sunday." Obama toned down his usual "articulate" self in his speech. One has to wonder if he every pronounces "before" as "befo" when he isn't trying to make himself sound like a "real black person." Clinton, who typically eschews talk of religion, and whose mid-west accent is very prominent, turned on her black evangelist tone when addressing the crowd. Being the wife of "America's First Black President" must give her some credit on its own, but she had to go and make herself sound like an illiterate former slave when she quoted hymns and paraphrased biblical quotes in yet another attempt to fool America into thinking she's something she is not.
Offensive? Yes. Yes she is.
It is amusing, though, to watch the white yankee woman and the black man that many in the African-American community think isn't white enough, trying to battle for what they see as the rightful heir in the next big election to the black legacy. Neither of them is qualified for this heir-esy, and yet they think they can just show up and paint on the blackface and fool the community into accepting them as their own.
It's also quite funny to see how they push government as the solution to race problems in America. It was government, in the hands of white Democrats, that prevented blacks from voting. It was white Democrats that formed the Ku Klux Klan and lynched black men, burned black towns, and terrorized black communities. It was a white Democrat that blocked the schoolhouse door against integration. White Democrats fought to keep slavery. White Democrats fought to keep blacks on the back of the bus. It was even a white Democrat that stole Obama's chances of ever being the first "black president" in America.
Oh yeah, it's offensive.
Today's white Democrats fight to keep blacks in America's failed public school systems. It's white Democrats who fight attempts to better our education system, saying it will have negative impacts on "minority students" (black students are, in their eyes, incapable of keeping up with higher standards) It's white Democrats that fight any attempt to reduce the role of welfare in America. White Democrats fight for racial quotas.
Based on their policies, you'd have to conclude that white Democrats think that blacks in America are too stupid for a better education system, too incompetent to get a good job, and too useless to take care of themselves.
Oh yeah. It's very much offensive.
There they are, though, down in Selma. They're down there trying to fool the black community into more of their horrible policies. These are policies designed to hold back, dehumanize, and keep black America in it's place.
The answer for black America is the same as it is for the rest of America. Work hard. Save your money. Get a good education (and take your kids out of public school). Look to those who do these things as your heroes, no matter their race, creed, religion, or sex.
And, above all, throw the Democrat bums out.
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February 22, 2007
It's a whole different work environment
Well, now that I'm in a different job, I'm finding lots of things are different. For instance, I'm doing more, stressing less, and have better surroundings. I finally have a place to display my Star Wars Action Fleet collection. I'm keeping an AC cord at the desk for my personal laptop. I also was able to buy a $5 chunk of Silly Putty from the big bulk order that some of the development guys made last week.
Silly Putty makes working on the phones much more interesting.
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February 9, 2007
Job Change
It's a brand new day in Lockjaw's Life. I've changed jobs. Hopefully, this will mean the chance to spend a little more time thinking on what I want to write. It does mean a little more morning time for me, and a little less evening time, but it also means more benefits in the ways that really matter. I still have a commute to worry about, so the podcast will continue. I should have a new podcast up in the next week, so be on the lookout. For now, I'm in a celebratory mood.
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January 12, 2007
Great Time-Lapse Video, Basketball to Hockey in 2 hours
I'm not a big sports fan, by any means. This video was fun to watch, though. It involves two sports that aren't NASCAR, and some tight scheduling. I understand that there's one sport (that isn't NASCAR), called Basketball, that is played on a specialized surface. In this case, it's wood. There's another sport (that isn't NASCAR) called hockey, that's played on ice. In Raleigh, NC, both are played in the same facility, the RBC Center. The thing is, the basketball game started at 2pm, and the hockey game starts at 7. Once the basketball game ends (when one side gets 15 points, maybe? Maybe one of my readers is familiar with this uncommon game), the crew has approximately two hours to convert from the wooden basketball court to an ice surface. They did it in one hour, nineteen. Watching it happen was, to me, the most enjoyable moment in sports I've had since the last pit-stop of the NASCAR season.
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January 9, 2007
24 Season 6 Soon to Begin
With the new season of 24 just days away, I thought it might be a good time to do a review of the first episode of the season. I'll keep it short, and relatively spoiler-free. Jack's back. He's not quite himself, but he hasn't completely lost his touch. If you remember the cliffhanger to the firt episode of Season 1, you'll cheer near the end of this episode. No, there's no "gonna need a hacksaw" line, but actions speak louder than words.
Deep Space Nine's Dr. Bashir will be joining us for episode 2, and the best line belongs to him so far. I'm looking forward to watching episodes 3 and 4 tonight.
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January 8, 2007
Lockjaw Drives to Work 08 - Vacation, Auto-Theft, and Cindy Sheehan
In which Lockjaw discusses his vacation, and how he got it on the cheap, the theft of his wife’s car, and how Cindy Sheehan continues to be a complete moron. There’s more. Enjoy.
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